Welcome to Pottsville
Whilst Dominique and were driving home from our vacation in Portland, OR, last month, I saw this exit sign for Pottsville, OR, and what follows kinda happened spontaneously. Here we were hurtling down the highway whilst I was dictating the rough draft to Dominique in my silly Clem Potts voice, and she, in the passenger seat all the while typing furiously into our little HP mini computer. It’s been rewritten and rewritten (always better in the rewrite, eh?) and I am finally ready to show it to my friend and wonderfully talented artiste’, Danny Green, since it was he who I was thinking of whilst I was composing it. He has a wonderful exaggerated comic style, it’s almost as if it were written for him–no wait–it was! “Clem” is kind of an esoteric joke betwixt he and I, and I do so hope he will relent and bring this sucker home!
So anyway, here it is. As always, let me know what you think.
Welcome to Pottsville
Int: POV: Side view of ceiling, balding (wisps of hair sprouting from the top of his head), beer-bellied guy, watching TV wearing old, stained, athletic undershirt and boxer shorts with bunnies on them extending from the front of an old, torn-up, plaid couch, skinny legs and feet, covered with fuzzy bunny slippers up on coffee table. Large hairy arm resting on couch arm, holding beer can. Right side of panel, old beat up TV, rabbit ears with coat hanger, wrapped in tin foil. In front of beer can is old fashioned remote with big buttons. TV has one speech balloon.
TV: And we’ll be right back…
Int: POV: From the guy’s right shoulder. You see his beer belly, his bunny covered boxers, his hairy arm holding the beer can, and the arm of the couch. You can see bony knees on the skinny legs in the bunny slippers. In the background is the TV, partially obscured by the bunny slippers. On the TV screen, big old balding fat guy with a big nose, wearing cheap black suit and white shirt with a wide tie (garish as you like). Pots, all kinds of pots, ceramic, cooking, flower, Native American and any other type of pot you can think of are surrounding him everywhere. TV has one speech balloon.
TV: Howdy folks! Welcome to Pottsville, Oregon!
Int: POV: Framed by the bunny slippers, the TV appears zoomed in. Same view on TV as page1 panel 2. Clem has one speech balloon.
Clem: Clem Potts here. Lemme ask ya a question…
Int: POV: Nothing but TV screen outlined by frame. Clem in foreground, and has one speech balloon.
Clem: Do you need some pots?
5 panels (Panels 4/5 is split in half horizontally)
Int: POV: From TV camera in studio, where you can see even more pots than were on screen. Clem has one speech balloon.
Clem: Then come on down to Pottsville. We got lots of pots.
Int: POV: Full panel of huge, ugly ceramic pot. Clem (voice over) has one speech balloon.
Clem: Big pots.
Int: POV: Clem from waist up, holding a little tiny pot. He has one speech balloon.
Clem: Little pots.
Int. POV: Clem holding a large brown pot with a beige top on it. Clem has one voice over speech balloon.
Clem: Pots with tops.
Int: POV: Same shot as panel 4, except Clem has obviously removed the top (he’s holding it in his hand). He has one speech balloon.
Clem: Pots with no tops.
Int: POV: Same shot as Page 3, panels 4 and 5, except Clem is holding the pot on its side with one arm and holding the top with his other hand. He has one speech balloon.
Clem: We got pots with tops on the side. Don’t see that every day, huh?
Int: POV: Clem holding the same pot upside down with the top askew. He has one speech balloon.
Clem: We got pots with tops on the bottom. Betcha weren’t expecting that.
Int: POV: TV studio, Clem standing in the midst of all the different pots, arms outspread. He has one speech balloon.
Clem: So come on down to Pottsville. We got pots for your friends. Pots for your friends’ friends.
Int: POV: TV studio, Clem is holding a gaily painted flower pot with one flower in it: He has one speech balloon.
Clem: Pots for moms…
Int: POV: TV studio, Clem holding a pot so big he can barely wrap his arms around it. He has one speech balloon.
Clem: Pots for pops…
Int: POV: TV studio, Waist high shot of Clem and he’s holding a tiny little toilet with the fingers of one hand supporting it from underneath and the other he’s holding the toilet lid at a 45% angle. He has one speech balloon.
Clem: We’ve even got pots for tots.
Int: POV: TV studio, Clem holding his hand up to his mouth conspiratorially. He has one speech balloon;
Clem: And if you’re drunk,
Int: POV: Table top with a big brown jug with X X X across the lower 2/3 beige bottom like Lil Abner’s hillbilly clan used to drink out of. There is a caption.
Caption: We got pots for sots!
Int: TV studio. Clem standing in the midst of all these pots with his arms spread. He’s very small being surrounded by all the pots. He has two interlinked speech balloons, one on either side of the frame.
Clem: So come on down to Pottsville. We can handle all your potting needs.
Clem: Heck, some folks say we’re the pot capital of the world.
Int: TV studio. Clem has one hand open toward his pots and one hand raised with forefinger extended toward the ceiling. He has one large speech balloon.
Clem: So git yerself down to Pottsville, but watch yer speed, because I’m also the sheriff, the mayor, and the justice of the peace. Ya’ll come now, y’here?